Showing posts with label Holder. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holder. Show all posts

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Case for Impeaching Federal Judge Mark Fuller

Suppose that you were having to sue someone. A car wreck, perhaps; or maybe you needed them evicted from the house you were renting them. You know you’re in the right, and you go to the courthouse on the day of the trial, confident that, with the facts and the law both on your side, the judge will render a proper judgment in your favor.

Then, when you lose the case, you are dumbfounded. You file an appeal, but you can’t figure out how you could have lost.
Only after the trial, while the appeals court is considering your case, do you find out that the judge who ruled against you has extensive business dealings with the party you were suing in front of him. Not only that, your opponent’s lawyer also represents your opponent in his business dealings with the judge.

If you picture yourself being outraged, then you have a pretty good idea how former Governor Don Siegelman felt about his 2006 kangaroo-court conviction before George W. Bush-appointed U.S. District Court Judge Mark Fuller.


At every turn of Siegelman’s trial, Fuller improperly ruled against Siegelman and co-defendant Richard Scrushy, and for the prosecution. He failed to take action when the Government failed to disclose evidence favorable to Siegelman, as he should have done under the rule of Brady v. Maryland, 373 U.S. 83 (1963). He silenced Siegelman’s
attorneys from making relevant and legal arguments to the jury. He let charges go to the jury which were later ruled improper by the U.S. Supreme Court. Not only that, Fuller failed to notify defense attorneys that a female juror, by the name of Katie Langer, had been passing notes through Judge Fuller’s bailiff, asking if the FBI agent sitting at the prosecution table was single. I can’t imagine how her not wanting Mr. Potential FBI Dream Date to be angry about an acquittal could have influenced her vote on the jury. (“In a criminal case, any private communication, contact, or tampering directly or indirectly, with a juror during a trial  is ... deemed presumptively prejudicial, United States v. Khanani, 502 F.3d 1281, 1291 (11th Cir. 2007)).


Fuller’s conduct in the trial (I have only named a handful of his pro-Government rulings) gave Siegelman’s attorneys lots of ammunition in his partially-successful appeal, and is doubtless going to provide them more fodder in the § 2255 proceeding that is likely going to be filed, now that the direct appeals are playing out.


But what do those violations of Siegelman’s rights have to do with the hypothetical case I described in the first paragraphs? To understand that, you have to know a little something about Judge Fuller. Even while serving as a district attorney for several years before being appointed a federal judge, Fuller found time to be a full-time businessman. His extensive business activity did not miss a beat when he took the presumably full-time job of federal judge.


Fuller was for years, including during the Siegelman trial, a principal of Doss Aviation, Inc.; some reports made him a 43% owner.¹ He was listed on corporate reports as the company’s CEO, even after becoming a federal judge. Doss Aviation’s 2002 Annual Report on file with the Alabama Secretary of State² shows Fuller as the corporate president, with his office listed as 1 Church Street in Montgomery. That just happens to be the United States Courthouse, where Fuller’s court sits.³ In his 2010 financial disclosure form as a federal judge, Fuller valued his interest in Doss at between $5,000,000.00 and $25,000,000.00; with an additional $500,000.00 t0 $1,000,000.00 in the affiliated Doss of Alabama, Inc. That’s enough coin to get even Mitt Romney’s attention.

So what does Doss Aviation do? I will let the homepage of its website speak to that: 
Founded in 1970, Doss Aviation, Inc. enjoys over 40 years [sic] experience in supporting the U.S. Government in flight training, aircraft maintenance, maintenance training, into-plane aircraft fuels and bulk fuels management, transient aircraft support services, air traffic control, and other airfield management/logistics services. The company built an enviable reputation in over 50 contracts performing a variety of services for the U.S. Army, U.S. Navy, U.S. Air Force, Defense Logistics Agency - Energy (DLA-E), NASA, FBI, and Department of Homeland Security.
In other words, Doss Aviation is extremely, if not exclusively, dependent on government contracts, many of them no-bid, that can disappear if the Air Force - or the administration in power - decides it isn’t happy with, say, the rulings of a leading shareholder. (Remember, at the time of the Siegelman trial, the administration was Republican.) The conflict of interest is obvious to even a layman. Despite this, Fuller has, throughout his career as a federal judge, regularly decided cases involving the Air Force.  A summary of the reported cases follows:
  • Webster v. Wynne, 2010 WL 5394752 (M.D. Ala. 2010). Civil employee of the Air Force alleged employment discrimination against the Air Force. Summary judgment granted to Air Force. 
  • United States v. 22.58 Acres of Land, 2010 WL 431254 (M.D. Ala. 2010). Action seeking condemnation of certain real property located in Montgomery County at the request of the Air Force. Landowner’s motion to dismiss denied.
  • OSI, Inc. v. United States, 510 F.Supp.2d 531 (M.D. Ala. 2007). Owner of property adjoining Air Force base sued United States government and officials, stemming from alleged dumping of Air Force hazardous wastes into landfill on property. Summary judgment granted to Air Force.
  • Waid v. United States, 2006 WL 1766808 (M.D. Ala. 2006). Driver of automobile injured in accident with Air Force vehicle sued for injuries. Claim against Air Force dismissed.
  • Keel v. U.S. Dept. of Air Force, 256 F.Supp.2d 1269 (M.D. Ala. 2003). Plaintiff, a white male, claimed that defendants terminated him on the basis of his race and sex in violation of Title VII, and retaliated against him by barring his access to Air Force base. Summary judgment entered for Air Force.
In another questionable case where the Air Force was not a party, Houston v. Army Fleet Services, L.L.C., 509 F.Supp.2d 1033 (M.D. Ala. 2007), Fuller denied summary judgment to an employment discrimination defendant - which is a competitor of Fuller’s company. I did not find one reported opinion in which Fuller was the judge, in which the Air Force lost the case.


The legal standard for a judge to recuse himself is simple, straightforward, and clearly reaches Fuller:
Any justice, judge, or magistrate judge of the United States shall disqualify himself in any proceeding in which his impartiality might reasonably be questioned. 28 U.S.C. § 455(a). 
What person wouldn’t reasonably question the impartiality of a judge whose (at least) $5,000,000.00 investment could become worthless overnight if one of the parties is unhappy with his rulings? Yet, even after Siegelman’s and Scrushy’s attorneys learned of the Doss Aviation link (after the trial), Fuller repeatedly refused to recuse himself.

You don’t have to take my word that there was a clear ethical mandate for recusal. Judicial ethics expert, and Georgetown University Law Center Professor, David Luban had this to say:
This one is a politically charged case involving a former governor in which political leaders in Washington, D.C., who ultimately exercise tremendous control over the process of military procurement contracts, are likely to take great interest. Given the amount of money Judge Fuller’s company gets from government contracts, any reasonable person would question how impartial he could be. He should not have taken this case, and with a recusal motion made, he had no option but to drop out.
So, we have established that Mark Fuller is an unethical
sleaze who flaunts his legal duty to recuse himself. Sadly, it doesn’t end there. In Don Siegelman’s case, there is an added Doss Aviation issue. One of the prosecutors at the table in the Siegelman trial was Assistant U.S. Attorney Stephen Feaga. Feaga’s smiling face may be seen in the photograph to the right. What’s that, you say? Feaga doesn’t look like a federal prosecutor? He looks like some sort of Air Force officer?? Well, that’s because he was an Air Force officer (he retired in 2011) - of the weekend warrior reserve variety. But not just of any sort; he was a Colonel in the Judge Advocate General Corps - the Air Force’s legal arm. And at the time of the Siegelman trial, he was in a unit that reviewed, and had to approve, Doss Aviation contracts.


In the words of a Great American, Whoa, Nellie!” 

Put aside the fact that Mark Fuller was appointed as a judge because of his Republican activism, and a Siegelman conviction was a Republican political priority. As Fuller presided over Siegelman’s trial, he knew that the George W. Bush administration could wipe out $5,000,000.00 (or more) of his personal wealth if it was unhappy with his rulings. But he also knew that one of the prosecuting attorneys probably could, too. Only Choctaw Bob Riley or Dick Cheney would deny that Fuller’s impartiality might reasonably be questioned.

If any member of Congress needs further reason to impeach Fuller, the hapless part-time judge is more than willing to provide it. It seems that, if the United States Congress and the Judicial Council of the Eleventh Circuit haven’t had enough of Mark Fuller, his wife, Lisa Boyd Fuller, has. In April, she filed for divorce after 30 years of marriage. While Mark Fuller’s lawyers promptly got the divorce file sealed, what emerged before then was serious enough to merit the investigation of any federal judge. Discovery requests served on Mark Fuller covered such judicially unbecoming topics as prescription drug addiction, driving under the influence, an extramarital affair with a Court employee whom he supervises, and domestic violence. Normally, such accusations are best viewed with a gimlet eye in a divorce case. But Ms. Fuller’s lawyers have listed the pharmacies whose records they want to subpoena, and the very number of different pharmacies sends up Limbaugh-like addiction warnings. There’s every reason to believe Ms. Fuller will settle the divorce case for a large chunk of Mark Fuller’s wealth before lots of judicial mud is made public, and it’s hard to blame her. But that doesn’t mean she can’t - or shouldn’t - be interviewed, and subpoenaed if necessary, by Congressional investigators.

As regular readers of my posts know, I always strive to provide them with some positive action to take. In this case, that action involves getting Congressional investigators talking to Lisa Fuller, and otherwise looking into Mark Fuller, and the Siegelman case generally. If this is going to happen, we are going to have to be the squeaky wheel that demands its grease. His Majesty, Barack the Appeaser I, has shown that his administration has its collective head inserted all the way to its collective hepatic flexure on any matter of interest to the Alabama Democratic Party. What I propose is that we do what we can to garner the attention of Democratic members of Congress who might be willing to do the right thing. I urge Alabama Democrats to contact the following members of Congress by the means indicated:

  • Congressman John Conyers (D-Michigan). Conyers is the ranking Democrat on the House Judiciary Committee, which would have jurisdiction over any impeachment or investigative proceedings regarding Fuller or the Siegelman case. You can leave a message on his office website here.
  • Congressman  Steve Cohen (D-Tennessee). Our neighbor from Memphis, Cohen is a lawyer, and has never worried about stepping on GOP toes. He is also on the House Judiciary Committee. You can leave a message on his website here.
  • Senator Pat Leahy (D-Vermont). Leahy is the chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee, which has the corresponding jurisdiction in the Senate. He is a former prosecutor, so he’ll get his head around the issues in a heartbeat. You can leave a message on his Senate website here.
  • Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-Minnesota). She is not only on the Senate Judiciary Committee, she chairs the Subcommittee on Administrative Oversight and the Courts, which would have primary jurisdiction at the subcommittee level. You can reach Senator Klobuchar on her office website here.
  • Senator Bernie Sanders (I-Vermont). Although an independent, Sanders caucuses with the Democrats. He is also the most willing member of the Senate to call out Republicans on issues of greed, injustice, and corruption. Because of his state relationship with Leahy, his support could be invaluable. You can message Senator Sanders on his office website here.
  • Senator Al Franken (D-Minnesota). We all know how courageous and outspoken Franken is. He is one of the few non-lawyers on the Senate Judiciary Committee. You can leave a message on his Senate website here.
  • Congresswoman Terri Sewell (D-Alabama). Sewell is a lawyer who understands both the legal and political issues involved. She’s also the only Alabama Democrat in either house of Congress, thanks to the Obama Administration allowing Fuller to judicially defame the Alabama Democratic Party. I haven’t been thrilled with her silence on these issues to this point, but maybe if she realizes they are important enough to us, that will change. You can contact her Washington office at 202-225-2665, fax it at 202-226-9567, or write it at 1133 Longworth HOB, Washington, DC 20515. Or if you prefer to contact her online, she will take your message here.
Please include a link to this blog post in your message to these members of Congress. That will save you the effort of having to write in great detail about the underlying facts.


There is much at stake here. If Fuller isn’t stopped and discredited, and the Alabama Democratic Party allowed to start rebuilding, Alabama minorities will continue to suffer from political irrelevance they haven’t known since the days of Jim Crow. From a purely political angle, bringing Fuller’s sordid record to light will help remind Democratic and independent voters nationwide this fall how important it is to keep judicial selection out of GOP hands. And I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t put on my Machiavellian hat and say to each of these members of Congress: Fuller is so dirty, that whoever comes after him first is going to look like a cross between Mother Freaking Teresa and Clarence Darrow. Happy hunting, and post a comment below or email me here if you need further help; I’ll get back in touch.


¹ Doss Aviation was acquired in December 2011 by J.F. Lehman and Company. It is unclear whether Fuller received cash, or Lehman securities, for his shares in Doss Aviation. Lehman is itself a defense contractor, so if Fuller is now a shareholder of it, the conflict of interest issues remain.
² For some mysterious reason, Doss Aviation’s Annual Reports for subsequent years - including those during which Fuller presided over the Siegelman case - are no longer available online on the website of Secretary of State Beth Chapman, a heavyweight Republican partisan. Since the company is still in good standing, it has obviously been filing those reports. I personally had previously viewed those reports online, and noted that they showed the registered office for service of process on Doss Aviation as c/o Mark Fuller, at his Courthouse address of 1 Church Street in Montgomery.
³ Misuse of federal funds and equipment and the time of federal employees may be grounds for criminal convictions. United States v. Wilson, 636 F.2d 225, 227 (8th Cir. 1980). Another basis for Fuller’s removal from office.
⁴ Besides not reporting the Katie Langer jury tampering to defense counsel, Feaga also failed to turn over conflicting statements of former Siegelman aide Nick Bailey, the Government’s sole witness who claimed that he witnessed Siegelman make the deal that was the basis of the Government’s case. Had Siegelman’s lawyers had those statements, Bailey’s credibility would have been destroyed. Alabama Rule of Professional Conduct 3.8 states that a prosecutor shall not willfully fail to make timely disclosure to the defense of all evidence or information known to the prosecutor that tends to negate the guilt of the accused. Despite the fact his actions were well-documented, widely reported in the media, and not disputed by the Government, Feaga has not been publicly disciplined for this violation. After his partisan Republican protector, former U.S. Attorney Leura Canary, was finally replaced by the dilatory Obama administration, Feaga left the U.S. Attorney’s office for a staff job at the Alabama Securities Commission in February 2012.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Democratic Legislature in Alabama - 2014?


If I had posted, using this post’s title, anytime during the first ten months after the 2010 Alabama elections, I would have been deluged with email requests for a swig of whatever it was I had been drinking. I may yet get such emails. Hopefully, though, we are now to the point where rational analysis can take place without the undue influence of the ceaseless crowing of The Birmingham News that Alabama is now, and for all eternity will be, a Republican-dominated state. That media drumbeat had us all a little depressed.

The hill that the Alabama Democratic Party has to climb to regain legislative control is high, and it is steep. But it looks a little less like Mount Everest, and a little more like Sand Mountain. Which, coincidentally, is partially within the 29th District, where Democratic Whip Jack Page was narrowly ousted by Republican Becky Nordgren in 2010, by a tally of 5,845 to 5,406. This is one of several districts which, looked at with a knowledgeable eye, are ripe for a Democratic comeback in 2014.

Currently, the GOP holds a 64-40 majority in the House (with one seat up for special election; GO (former Miss Alabama) PAIGE PARNELL!). In the Senate, it’s a 22-13 Republican split. Neither of these margins requires a large number of seats to change hands to put GOP control of the chamber in jeopardy. And those numbers are doable.

For starters, at least on the House side, four of the 64 GOP seats were won by Democrats, who proceeded to cross the aisle within days of their election. (I am sure they weren’t promised anything to do so; that would be bribery, and I am sure Attorney General Holder would have the malefactors indicted, the same way he fought to keep Alaska Republican Senator Ted Stevens in pris ... never mind.) Let’s face it; if a Democrat carried a district in 2010, that district is congenitally Democratic. It should, by definition, be competitive in 2014.

Taking a slightly broader look, let’s look at all 105 districts in the House. I’ve ranked all 105 by the Republican margin in each district (whether positive or negative, and including those seats subsequently vacated by death or resignation). Let’s look at what that ranking shows for the two narrowest Democratic wins, and the ten narrowest Democratic losses:

DistrictD NomineeR NomineeR% Margin
81GrahamTuggle11.8%
2CurtisGreer9.5%
12FieldsButtram8.3%
16ThigpenBoman7.8%
24LedbetterGreeson6.7%
27McLaughlinLong6.3%
29PageNordgren3.9%
21HinshawPatterson3.5%
38LongBridges2.0%
7LetsonJohnson1.3%
1BurdineHanson-1.5%
73HubbardGrimes-2.0%

You will frequently hear a rule of thumb that any incumbent who won his or her last election by under 5% is vulnerable in the next election. Like any arbitrary number, this one should be applied with caution, but it’s a starting point. I call it a starting point because 2010 was in so many ways a “perfect storm” for the GOP that they are unlikely to be able to replicate in 2014. There will not be a bingo indictment of Democratic legislators timed for a month before the election. There will not be as intense an anti-Obama sentiment in the atmosphere, as he presumably will have improved his weak and ineffective messaging if he is re-elected. And if Obama is not re-elected, the GOP in Alabama will be deprived of its racist bogeyman; an all too obvious reason for its 2010 wins.

By this measure, we Democrats should be able to threaten Republican incumbents whose 2010 margins were more than 5%, and 10% is not unreasonable. (Several of the 2010 GOP wins were against Democrats who had won by much more than 10% in 2006.) Of course, one of these seats is already in Democratic hands, thanks to Daniel Boman’s refusal to go along with King Pig Speaker’s storm trooper tactics, and Boman’s subsequent switch to the Democratic Party. A more Democratic wind in 2014 would also make it far less likely that Democrats such as Joe Hubbard and Greg Burdine would be reckoned vulnerable solely by their narrow 2010 wins. A Parnell victory in the upcoming special would make the leap to majority even shorter.

While I have been talking about the House, similar numbers and issues face the GOP majority in the Senate. Even Scott “Aborigine” Beason may be vulnerable, as long as the tag lines are in Birmingham. And a birdie has told me that one darling of the 2010 Republican effort, Shadd McGill of Jackson County, is already in a deep hole. In fact, that birdie told me that McGill was recently physically removed from the courthouse office of a Republican official in his district - by McGill’s fellow Republican officeholder!

In addition to the historical precedent that unusual sweep years are usually corrected in the next cycle, the Republicans have to face an additional threat. Political and economic issues are likely to be arrayed in the extreme against the Alabama GOP in 2014. For 136 years, they whined and cried about not being allowed to run state government. (In 2010, as in 1874, their control was dependent on the partisan intervention of the Federal government.) Republican Party, be careful what you wish for; now you own it.

Budget shortfalls are going to be a major problem for the state over the next three years. While the recession continues - thanks in large part to the national GOP’s efforts - state revenues will be depressed, and Federal stimulus funding to fill the gap is going to vanish. This also is thanks to the Know-Nothings of the national Republican Party. This means programs will be cut, and employees will be laid off. Families of senior citizens will be upset that their Medicaid benefits are cut, and lots of drivers will be upset that potholes aren’t being fixed. And there will be no Democratic Legislature on which The Birmingham News can blame it. GOP attacks on education have also clarified the minds of thousands of teachers, many of whom had complacently begun voting Republican, as to where their political interests truly lie.

Speaking of latter-day Know-Nothings, even the GOP’s pride and joy of racist reaction - HB56, better known as America’s most repressive law against those whose color suggests they might be undocumented aliens - isn’t working out as planned. While the senescent crackers whoop, stomp and clap at the Republican luncheon at the Golden Corral (between artery-clogging trips to the buffet), in the rest of the community, the bill is causing one giant train wreck. Senseless requirements for “proving” citizenship for auto tag and drivers’ license renewals have created gigantic lines at every courthouse in the state, and deprived Alabamians of the basic 21st Century convenience of renewing these licenses online.

If the stupidity of the immigration bill reaches all Alabamians once a year, it zeros in on thousands of small Alabama businesses constantly, and takes direct aim at their bottom lines. While many crops such as cotton are mechanically harvested, many fruits and vegetables still require hand picking, and the immigrant labor which makes this possible is fleeing the state. Even many legal immigrants are leaving from fear of arrest, and crops are reported to be rotting in the fields. Many of the GOP gains in 2010 were made in counties, such as DeKalb, Marshall and Cullman, where the state’s billion-dollar poultry industry is centered, and that industry is utterly dependent on immigrant labor. Other service industries, such as food services, nursing homes, and construction, are likewise facing labor shortages as a result of the Hispanic exodus. These constituencies are not marginal for the GOP; they are its bedrock electoral and financial base. And they made their displeasure with HB56 plainly known during the 2011 session. By 2014, Democrats should find both votes and dollars available from small businesses whose interests the GOP has trampled. (Of course, we need to start working on this outreach now, while tempers are still hot!)

To be clear, I am not predicting that we Democrats will retake one or both houses of the Legislature in 2014. I am making it emphatically clear that it is reasonable that we might do so. Even as the GOP laid plans and worked for four years to make Alabamofascism possible, we need to be working now to reverse it. Candidate recruitment, fundraising, and work on the ongoing voter list system are critical. More particularly, our media message needs to step up just a bit. Voters need to be helped to think of those three-hour lines at the car tag office as “Republican lines.” This needs to be a full-court press, including repeated media statements from local Democratic leaders, and letters to the editor. Poultry producers need to be invited to Democratic meetings where they can hear the workforce-killing HB56 condemned. Protests against the moral outrage that is HB56 are good, but it is when we speak to the interests of 2010 GOP voters that we will regain a Democratic Legislature.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

An Open Letter to Attorney General Holder

Hon. Eric Holder
Office of the Attorney General
U.S. Department of Justice
950 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20530-0001

Dear Mr. Attorney General:

I know that you are a very busy man. There are lots of terrorists to prosecute, lots of briefs to sign supporting “state secrets,” DADT, and other policies put in place by your excellent predecessors over the last ten years, and all those “impromptu” pickup hoops games the President is so fond of having the newsies B-roll at the White House. (And to think all those critics say he only picked you for AG because you played at Columbia.)

I know that you are so busy, that when you came to Alabama last month to speak about To Kill a Mockingbird (the author of which is in the photo to the left), you didn’t even have time to take any questions from the independent journalists who were there. They probably wouldn’t have been as nice to you as that Law School dean was, anyway. They probably would have asked rude questions about why Ted Stevens died a free and wealthy man because of a minor technicality, while Don Siegelman still has to beg friends for money to pay lawyers to undo the egregiously more unethical conduct of your prosecutors in his case. Reporters are just like that.

Anyhow, I know that the main reason you have not gotten around to replacing the most political U.S. Attorney appointed by George W. Bush, and one of those unethical prosecutors - Leura Canary of the Middle District of Alabama - has been because of all these other important things you have had to do. It’s hard, coming up with a new reason every month to keep Gitmo open. So I thought, being a good citizen, I would pitch in and help. I have drafted you a letter that contains absolutely everything you have to do and say to remove Ms. Canary. All you have to do is have your assistant copy and paste it, and voila! Instantly done! Here it is:

Hon. Leura Garrett Canary
U. S. Attorney’s Office
Middle District of Alabama
131 Clayton Street
Montgomery, AL 36104-3429

HAND DELIVERED BY U.S. MARSHAL

Dear Ms. Canary:

Acting pursuant to the authority vested in the President of the United States by 28 U.S.C. § 541(c), and delegated to me by 28 C.F.R. § 0.5(a) and 28 C.F.R. § 0.22(a)(1), I hereby relieve you of your position as United States Attorney for the Middle District of Alabama, effective immediately. See generally, U.S. v. Young, 541 F.Supp.2d 1226 (D. N.M. 2008).

Please remove yourself, and all your personal effects and property from the Office of the United States Attorney at the above address within one (1) hour of your receipt of this letter. You are not to operate or touch any computer or peripheral equipment that is the property of the United States; or any documents, file or container of documents that are the property of the United States, effective immediately upon your receipt of this letter. A Deputy United States Marshal will remain with you until your departure to confirm your compliance with these instructions.

Our records reflect that your residence is at 2400 Rosemont Place, Montgomery, AL 36106-2214. Your final paycheck will be mailed to that address. If you move from that address, please advise the Hon. Glenn Fine, Department of Justice Inspector General, of your new address. He may need to speak to you soon.

Thank you for your compliance with these instructions.

Sincerely,

Eric Holder
Attorney General

There, wasn’t that easy to sign, Mr. Attorney General? It took what, ten seconds, including time for the ink to dry? And to think people were complaining because Canary was still pushing a Republican agenda from her office nearly halfway through your and Obama’s terms. Don’t thank me; I am just a patriotic citizen glad to do my part to help a busy public servant. Please give my regards to the President. And don’t tell him I told you, but if you can head-fake him in the direction of a mirror or other reflective surface - easy layup!

Your friend,
Publius IX

P.S.: In case you lose this letter, maybe my friends can email you copies at your email address at askdoj@usdoj.gov so you can still send Ms. Canary her letter.

P. IX